Now I’m not one to bitch, but some games are just asking to be called a cunt hole, promptly followed by being thrown in the bin. And today my target appears to be; Need for Speed Undercover. With modesty taken into consideration, I’d like to think I’m a racing game veteran. I’ve played, completed and perfected every Need for Speed title to date, and I’m fan girl-ling uncontrollably over receiving the newest release, ‘The Run’, for Christmas this year as my poor little student pockets run dry with the need for petty things such as food and clean clothes. However, as I kick back in some of my free time from exploiting the world through evil journalistic methods, I decided instead of torturing my Battlefield 3 disk anymore, I’d give an old gem a run through, this being the aforementioned bastard I talk to you today about. Thanks to Angel Studios (now Rockstar San Diego) in 2000 and it’s successful release of Midnight Club: Street Racing, the concept of free-roaming dense cityscapes and dodging realistic traffic obstacles has been a near-constant presence in most racing titles as the years go on. This however now presents the gamer with a duo-thought process, of which, neither are particularly pretty. [gamer has just successfully dodged through the tea-time traffic rush of New York in a fucking GMC, leading them on to victory] ‘OH YES! I am literally God. He is controlling my hands and playing through me. This is the work of an artist, bow at me and sing wench.’ [gamer has just crashed into his 9th shitty red Ford they thought they passed on the last corner, and therefore is now experiencing a polite dicking from his race mates] ‘This game, is the worst game ever created.’ You may call the latter gamer a ‘sore loser’, and perhaps the correct term for the former is ‘elitist cock’, but these stereotypes now commonly exist thanks to typical game traffic. And it’s not just in racing games, god forbid. Grand Theft Auto, Saints Row, hell you can even crash into fucking horses in Red Dead Redemption! Though it without a shadow of doubt adds a sense of tension and reality into games played in an atmosphere where this type of ‘extra-curricular challenge’ is considered the norm, it’s then hindrance of the game is just ball bustlingly aggravating. It’s something we’ve seen, felt and experienced in a racing game at some point in our lives, and it certainly won’t be ending any time soon. But if I could plee to developers just once and they could heed my mournful cry; it ain’t fun being 5% from the end of a Sprint style race and some single mother in an estate decides to violently hump the front of your car with hers, therefore leaving you to watch that bastard behind you to win and hog the glory. Didn’t think so. Let alone the fact you’re pelting around fucking New York in a Lotus Elise and no one is dead yet, you also don’t have a single speeding ticket and apparently the Police are the most cock-headed group of AI to ever be integrated into a game. Just do a U-Turn and you’re as good as evaded. All I’m waiting for now is Blizzard to take the hint, and add a bloody polling-station going in and out of major faction cities such as Orgrimmar and Stormwind, as no doubt an online game about Elves and Orcs needs just a tad more realism.  

Now I’m not one to bitch, but some games are just asking to be called a cunt hole, promptly followed by being thrown in the bin. And today my target appears to be; Need for Speed Undercover.

With modesty taken into consideration, I’d like to think I’m a racing game veteran. I’ve played, completed and perfected every Need for Speed title to date, and I’m fan girl-ling uncontrollably over receiving the newest release, ‘The Run’, for Christmas this year as my poor little student pockets run dry with the need for petty things such as food and clean clothes.

However, as I kick back in some of my free time from exploiting the world through evil journalistic methods, I decided instead of torturing my Battlefield 3 disk anymore, I’d give an old gem a run through, this being the aforementioned bastard I talk to you today about.

Thanks to Angel Studios (now Rockstar San Diego) in 2000 and it’s successful release of Midnight Club: Street Racing, the concept of free-roaming dense cityscapes and dodging realistic traffic obstacles has been a near-constant presence in most racing titles as the years go on. This however now presents the gamer with a duo-thought process, of which, neither are particularly pretty.

  1. [gamer has just successfully dodged through the tea-time traffic rush of New York in a fucking GMC, leading them on to victory] ‘OH YES! I am literally God. He is controlling my hands and playing through me. This is the work of an artist, bow at me and sing wench.’
  2. [gamer has just crashed into his 9th shitty red Ford they thought they passed on the last corner, and therefore is now experiencing a polite dicking from his race mates] ‘This game, is the worst game ever created.’

You may call the latter gamer a ‘sore loser’, and perhaps the correct term for the former is ‘elitist cock’, but these stereotypes now commonly exist thanks to typical game traffic. And it’s not just in racing games, god forbid.

Grand Theft Auto, Saints Row, hell you can even crash into fucking horses in Red Dead Redemption! Though it without a shadow of doubt adds a sense of tension and reality into games played in an atmosphere where this type of ‘extra-curricular challenge’ is considered the norm, it’s then hindrance of the game is just ball bustlingly aggravating.

It’s something we’ve seen, felt and experienced in a racing game at some point in our lives, and it certainly won’t be ending any time soon. But if I could plee to developers just once and they could heed my mournful cry; it ain’t fun being 5% from the end of a Sprint style race and some single mother in an estate decides to violently hump the front of your car with hers, therefore leaving you to watch that bastard behind you to win and hog the glory. Didn’t think so.

Let alone the fact you’re pelting around fucking New York in a Lotus Elise and no one is dead yet, you also don’t have a single speeding ticket and apparently the Police are the most cock-headed group of AI to ever be integrated into a game. Just do a U-Turn and you’re as good as evaded.

All I’m waiting for now is Blizzard to take the hint, and add a bloody polling-station going in and out of major faction cities such as Orgrimmar and Stormwind, as no doubt an online game about Elves and Orcs needs just a tad more realism.  


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